You want to stop being so hard on yourself.
You want to change the negative self talk
So you start to work on a better self-esteem.
But it is a trap. And you know it.
No matter how hard you try, no matter how successful you are,
no matter how good a parent, worker, or spouse you are –
it is never enough.
There always is someone richer, thinner, smarter, or more powerful, someone that makes you feel small in comparison.
You read the books on self-esteem. You listen to the podcasts. You watch the Ted-talk: How to get it, raise it and keep it.
But it is a trap.
Our culture has become so competitive we need to feel special and above average to just be okay with ourselves.
So we puff ourselves up and put others down.
Or we just give up on ourselves and put ourselves down…
And the violent self-talk continues.
The result: therapist’s offices, pharmaceutical companies, and the self-help aisles in bookstores filled with people who believe they’re not okay just the way they are.
And we are back at the place where all violence starts.
Myself.
Working on your self-esteem will not change the direction.
“Should have” or “Shouldn’t have” will only increase the shame and the pain.
It is all a trap.
Is there a way out??
There are no “5 steps for success”.
No quick fix.
No recipe.
So just for tonight, light the Advent candle again. The candle of peace.
Be quiet.
Recognize the trap.
Face your failure.
Feel your pain.
And know you are human. Imperfect.
And you are part of a world full of pain, suffering, violence. A world full of imperfection.
You are not alone.
And when the quietness has driven out all the voices… maybe you will then hear the soft voice with the invitation:
Love your neighbor as you love yourself.
And for now, just for now… hold on to that invitation as long as you can …
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