Our world is sick

Our world is sick.

And it is not Covid 19.

Racism

Inequality

Discrimination

White privilege

White supremacy

The origin of the virus is not in China, or Europe, or somewhere in Africa or the Americas…

It begins in the human heart.

It is contagious. And wearing a mask will not protect you.

This virus spreads quite slowly. It can take years for you to become a carrier.

But when the infection starts, it is destructive.

And deadly.

For you.

And especially for the “others”. For “them”.

I am sick too.

So today I want to share my personal story.

For you to witness. And maybe so that you can share yours.

So that we can start hearing the stories of the “others”.

Although the symptoms started to show only later in my life, I had my exposure to the virus in my childhood. My guess is that I was infected by a society who taught me about “us” and “them”.

“They” always had their own cup and plate in the cupboard under the sink and never had a meal with us at the table

“They” never knocked at the front door, always only at the kitchen door and never came in for a visit.

“They ” never used our bathrooms or slept in our homes.

I didn’t get the virus from my parents. On the contrary – they raised me to be respectful towards every person I meet.

But that’s the problem with this virus.

It creeps into everything. Everybody and everything gets contaminated.

In our town “they” didn’t stay in “our” neighborhood and were restricted in the when and the where of their comings and goings.

“They” stayed in the townships.

“They” didn’t attend “our” school.

I remember hearing grown-up conversations about people who died in a motor vehicle accident. And then there was the relief in the room, because the victims weren’t one of “us”… It was subtle and almost invisible – like the virus.

“They” didn’t attend “our” church. There were a lot of talking about converting “them” – with the mostly unspoken disclaimer that even though you can get “them” out of the bush, you can’t get the bush out of “them”…

“They” never featured on television. Unless there were trouble and protests.

In the army we were taught that “they” are the enemy and we need to protect ourselves and our country against “them”.

Over time it happened. I got infected. Symptoms of the virus started showing in my life.

I tried to ignore it – and succeeded (for a while) – because this virus has a very powerful side-effect.

Allow me to explain.

This virus normally infects a whole group of people – a society as a whole. Without us noticing, we all got it and we started to live with it as if it is normal! We didn’t even realize we were sick!

We thought we were doing great – very blessed – so privileged and yet so blind.

Because inside us and in our beloved country, the virus was wrecking havoc – just like in a science-fiction movie. “Our” sickness was impacting the lives of the “others” – through humiliations, inequalities, being disrespected, dehumanized, discriminated against and death.

More often than not, a brutal death…

I was a student at University when I finally realized my condition. Both me and the society I was part of were sick. I started to see the terrible consequences in the lives and stories of others.

I started to look for ways to get rid of it.

First by justification and rationalization. Growing up I didn’t know any better and the Apartheid policies of the government was not my doing. The church was to blame. We were deceived. By our leaders.

Still, the virus didn’t go away.

Then I said I’m colour blind. I’m not a racist. When we as men were gathered around the braai, I would stand up against racism of any form…

Still, the virus didn’t go away.

I realized, talking about it will not make a big enough difference. I started to look for opportunities to help “them”. From my privileged position, I would definitely be able to help… It worked for a while – I felt a bit better…

Still, the virus didn’t go away.

One day I realized how angry “they” were. With me. A white man.

I felt wronged. It was unfair – I tried to oppose racism. I’m color blind. I always help where I can.

I started to feel like the victim.

And then I stopped talking.

I watched.

I listened.

I was quiet.

I didn’t know what to say. Whatever words I could find – I just didn’t know how to put them together…

Still, the virus didn’t go away.

And then covid-19 happened.

Around me I saw inequality. And injustice.

I started to hear voices calling out while the system pressed “them” down into the ground.

I want to look away.

Cover my ears.

Collins Xhosa dies here because of police violence.

In America it is George Floyd.

Something gets shattered.

In America.

In me.

I know. I can no longer be quiet.

This virus is not only killing others – it is killing me.

It is killing our world.

There’s a fight – for life and death – I cannot ignore it any longer.

It starts here. In my heart.

I have to examine my attitude, the posture of my heart, the patterns of my thinking and my actions. I have to acknowledge my part in the inequality in our country. I am part of a system that has its knee on the necks of too many black and colored people.

I have to find ways to expose the system and to fight it.

I must choose to leave my comfort zone and show solidarity with those who are victims of this oppressive system.

I must stop to see myself as the savior on the white horse who can rescue “them”

I must choose not to judge people when their anger boils over in protesting and looting – I must answer with empathy and understanding.

I must choose to break down the walls of separation, suspicion and fear that divide “us” from “them”.

A line has been drawn in the sand.

The virus in my life must be fought with tooth and nail.

After all – this is still only words on paper. But my prayer is that it will light a fire – the fire of love in action.

God, help me.

God, help us.

God, help them.